Did you realise that 'Æquus et exæquatus' would be a Latin equivalent of 'Fair and balanced'?
Now you know.
Well, butter my ass and call me a biscuit; there be vast shoals of blogs swimming this Internet sea appropriating FOX's supposedly trademarked phrase 'Fair and balanced'. I would count them, but I would get bored. There are just that many. If blogs were hogs, then even beggars would be fat and greasy with bacon drippings this day. And if Ifs and Buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a wonderful Christmas.
I think the true and rightful guardian of the phrase 'Fair and balanced' ought to be Tobey (Tobias Vincent, not to be confused with Tobias Vaughn) Maguire, rather than this unsightly FOX News beast. As for 'fair', certainly Tobey Maguire's features are infinitely more sightly than Bill O'Reilly's. If you, hypothetically speaking, had a magic mirror--possibly fuelled by the blood of virgin carp--and you asked it, 'O Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?'...What else could this mirror reply, but 'Tobey Maguire'? Those eyes! Those lips! That nose! And as for 'balanced'...Have you seen him in Spider-Man? Watch how nimbly and lithely he moves! Marvel at his coordination, his dexterity, his buttocks, and, yes indeed, his balance. Could Bill O'Reilly perform such feats without taking a tumble? The answer to that question is so painfully obvious that I will say no more about it, except that it is 'No.'
There you have it.
Tobey Maguire: fair and balanced.
Posted by aloysius at August 15, 2003 01:19 PM | TrackBack |