As perhaps you are aware, the UK's Tories very recently worked up the nerve to plunge into their leader Iain Duncan Smith's back the dagger they'd been polishing and fiddling with and dropping and hiding behind their backs and flashing about to impress girls for ages now. In a moving display of party unity, it seems everyone has come together to coronate Michael Howard heir to Mr Duncan Smith's throne (a porcelain throne). The Virtual Stoa is just chock-a-block with timely information on Howard, including a link to a 1997 interview conducted by the BBC's Jeremy Paxman in which Howard dodges a direct question something like 14 times and comes across as an odious little kitten-strangler, which he is. You should watch it; it's funny.
Here in an article for The Observer you can snigger naughtily as Michael Portillo* speaks approvingly of Howard's 'rod of iron'. It's actually a rather interesting read, since Portillo is one of the 'modernising' Tories whose agenda Howard does not appear to embrace. Porty laments that Howard is no 'bright young thing' like Blair was when he took the Labour helm; perhaps he fancies Tony. Read the last paragraph, particularly; Portillo gets in a solid age jab to Howard's gut, then suggests Howard's greatest accomplishment might be in keeping the party from bleeding to death 'til he can anoint a young, dynamic, sexy successor.
Heavens know Howard's not going to win the Tories any elections, horrid Thatcherite prune that he is. He actively repulses swing voters, leaving many actually less likely to vote Tory than they would've been under IDS, if such a thing can be believed.
Oh, Tories...You do warm my heart, with your wacky antics. And your inability to win. And your new undead vampire leader. Someone should make a sitcom...Or maybe work Howard into a Buffy: The Vampire Slayer spinoff. Oh! Oh! All about Giles! And Willow! In England! Yes! It's too perfect. Willow and Giles, battling a vampiric conspiracy at the very heart of the Tory Party, led by evils from the dawn of time bent on resurrecting the lifeless bodies of Margaret Thatcher and Vampire Queen Victoria with the blood of fresh young voters...
*: Michael Portillo makes an excellent butt, if you will, for gay jokes because he's publicly admitted to being a cock-hound in his university days. It gave the world some very entertaining anti-Portillo campaign slogans, and served as a bottomless fount of inspiration for Chris Morris. I would like to see him emerge as Tory Leader, just to see how the Conservatives would react to having Portillo on top, if you will.
Posted by aloysius at November 01, 2003 04:11 PM | TrackBack |