The Statistics of Divinity

Via the notorious Stet, I see that a certain gentleman calculates that there is a 67% chance God exists.

His methodology puts me very much in mind of the following.

Suppose we're given two variables, A and B.

• Let A=B.
• A(A-B)=A²-AB=A²-B²=(A+B)(A-B).
• Cancelling, A=A+B.
• Let B=1.
• Then subtracting A from each side, 0=1. Call this equation (*).
• Winston Churchill has one head. Therefore, by (*), Winston Churchill has no head.
• Winston Churchill has no green leafy top. Therefore Winston Churchill has one green leafy top.
• Multiply each side of the equation (*) by two. Then two equals zero. Since Winston Churchill has two arms and two legs, Winston Churchill has no arms and no legs.
• Multiply each side of (*) by the waist size of Winston Churchill. Then the waist size of Winston Churchill is zero: Winston Churchill tapers to a point.
• Multiply each side of (*) by l, where l is the wavelength in nanometers of any photon reflected off of Winston Churchill. Then l=0 nm. Now multiply each side of (*) by 620 nanometers: 620 nm=0 nm. Therefore, we obtain l=620 nm. Winston Churchill is orange.
• Winston Churchill has no head, no arms, no legs, and a green leafy top; he tapers to a point; and he's orange. Therefore Winston Churchill is a carrot.

Which just goes to show that if you plug batshit into an equation, you shouldn't be surprised when you get pureed hogsbollocks out.

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Posted by aloysius at March 15, 2004 11:25 PM | TrackBack |