Bowiegasm

It is time to answer the question that has been foaming hotly upon the lips of all the world lo these past days: how was David Bowie?

For David Bowie did play the Key Arena here in Seattle on Wednesday, and I was there. Oh yes, I, Aloysius Hieronymus Hog, was there! Bowie had played the Paramount Theatre here back in January, but I hadn't been able to score tickets...My sadness was bitter and clotted, like an ancient latte. Imagine my uttermost bliss when I learned he would return in the merest blink of an eye! Imagine it now. Have you imagined it? Yes? Good. Then we can move on.

I was so excited...It was to be the perfect end to an almost-perfect day. I took my friend Sam, who got all dolled up for it: he had his bangs down almost over one eye, lipstick, shiny things...He was so quasi-gothy-glam! I wore a new shirt. I was all a-quiver with anticipation...

I had forgotten to check who the opening band was. I saw weird little smock-things at a souvenier stand saying 'Polyphonic Spree', and I thought this sounded vaguely familiar, but I didn't make the connection until just before they came on: Polyphonic Spree is the weird cult band! I don't mean that they're a weird band with a cult following, though they are that, too. I mean they're a weird band that is its own cult. Read the press kit on the band's official site; it's all flashed up so I can't link to it directly, but the gist of it is that the founder started hearing things after a member of his old band died of an overdose and put together this Polyphonic Spree thing to mend hearts and spread sunshine and flog some kind of spirituality. They're twenty-something people in white robes playing a shitload of instruments and singing about third eyes and the Sun and growing, sort of like a Mormon Partridge Family on crack, and they're really compelling in a train-wrecky sort of a way. They're not untalented, don't get me wrong; they sound decent. It's just that they are, in a word, incredibly silly. There's something about a guy dressed as an altar-boy with a French horn doing a little kangaroo hop, or singing in a choir of people all doing a variation on the Robot...I kept asking 'Are they for real?' I guess they are. They should get more into the cult thing...I want to see Polyphonic Spree become the eighth-largest religious denomination in America, one giant multi-million-member band whose sub-bands play in our airports and bus terminals.

Polyphonic Spree was fun, and all, in their bizarre, campy way. But even if they engaged in pagan fertility rituals live on-stage, they still wouldn't have half the impact of David Fucking Bowie.

Bowie is a rocking machine. He's such a performer! Self-consciously theatrical, full of bad puns and Englishness and Eurovision jokes, with a fantastic purple coat, and cute floppy hair...He really seems to love performing, playing with his audience, goofing around all sillily on-stage...He gave us a few seconds of 'A Hard Day's Night' between two of his songs...He did this great little dance for 'Fashion', posing like a model (think Zoolander). He started to sing 'China Girl' in Mandarin but forgot the words because, he explained, he'd only translated it that morning and his Mandarin was all rusty...To make it up to us, he sang it in English. I forget which song it was, but during one of his numbers he walked to the back of the stage and knelt with his head down for a while...After the song he explained that he didn't know what that'd been either; it was a 'performance malfunction'. He claimed he wasn't feeling his best that night, but that singing to the crowd helped him forget it...And he gave us our money's worth. He opened with 'Rebel Rebel' and I nearly moistened myself. He did 'Fame' and 'Fashion' and 'Under Pressure'...A hard-rocking version of 'Hallo Spaceboy'...'The Man Who Sold The World' which has to be 32 years old now if it's a day...'China Girl'...'Let's Dance' all funkified...'I'm Afraid of Americans' with all kinds of rocking animations like dancing Captain America heads...And he did my absolute favourite Bowie number, 'Ashes to Ashes'. And 'Quicksand'...And some numbers from Heathen and Reality that I don't know by name yet...Tight pants. Tight, tight pants. Of course. Did I mention he's just adorable? I was like a little schoolgirl, screaming and bouncing and doing my weird little spastic quasi-dancy thing...I would've thrown my underwear if I could've gotten them off without taking down my pants. He closed his set with 'Heroes' and his voice just made me melt.

And the encore! He gave us 'Changes'! The very song that featured in my regenerating David Bowie Mafia dream! My bliss transcended space and time. I was hoarse with my vocalisations of glee. Bowie seemed to appreciate our frenzied acclaim...

'You've made an old man feel very happy,' he told us.

It was the best concert I've ever been to...It was even better than hearing John Linnell sing 'Birdhouse in Your Soul' and say 'Hey, fucks' to a gang of high-schoolers with accordions serenading him outside his trailer. Even better than hearing Lou Reed threaten to walk off if anyone took another fucking flash photo. David Bowie is the ultimate showman.

It's only a shame he won't be the next Doctor Who.

Oh well...I can dream.

Here is a big fat helping of Bowie lyrics.

Here's the full set list, from the bowieNet news thingy (posted 15 April):

01 Rebel Rebel 02 New Killer Star 03 Battle For Britain (The Letter) 04 Fame 05 Cactus 06 Fashion 07 All The Young Dudes 08 China Girl 09 Hang On To Yourself 10 Never Get Old 11 The Loneliest Guy 12 Modern Love 13 Let's Dance 14 The Man Who Sold The World 15 Hallo Spaceboy 16 Sunday 17 Heathen (The Rays) 18 Under Pressure 19 Days 20 Afraid 21 Looking For Water 22 Ashes To Ashes 23 Quicksand 24 I'm Afraid Of Americans 25 "Heroes"

(Encore)
26 Changes
27 Suffragette City
28 Ziggy Stardust

Posted by aloysius at April 17, 2004 10:49 PM | TrackBack |