Thongs

I was walking through the Quad just now on my way to the bank...

(Warning: the following post is very gay. According to US Senator Rick Santorum (R-Fucknozzle), reading this post may ruin your marriage, transform you into a homosexual, and force you to hump your dog. According to Weepy Myrmidon Bill O'Reilly (R-Lying Liar), the mere presence of this post in the space-time continuum may warp and scar your children, even if they have yet to be born. Proceed at your own risk.)

It's roughly 80 filthy Farenheit degrees out there, and sunny, and blissful, and green; so naturally the place is crawling with studly young men with their shirts off, tossing frisbees hither and yon and scratching themselves in deliciously inappropriate places. Someone, just before I passed through, was distributing free black, gauzy thongs to these tender blossoms of manhood: hunky shirtless guys in jeans were standing around mannishly, holding these wisps of black nothing confusedly, and doing other adjectival things in an adverbial manner too, in a way that asked--nay, demanded!--that I objectify them all at once...Alas, they did not try the thongs on, and then dance for me. Perhaps next time. Perhaps they are shy.

Sam, you should have been there.

I wonder where these thongs came from? There's an Israel tent set up outside the HUB, with music and food and nuclear warheads, and the Israelis have been giving out free cupcakes and fortune cookies...Have they been passing out free thongs, too? Just how pro-thong is Israel?

I'm pretty sure it wasn't the Mormons.

These are the questions that haunt us...

POST SCRIPTUM: It's time for more of everyone's favourite Messiah, Octopus Jesus! I scanned the little doodle I did Friday while proctoring the linear algebra midterm, a harmless little thing called 'Octopus Jesus Feeds a Duck'...

Then today I produced a little gem I like to call 'The Sermon on the Mount'...

Octopus Jesus may be the Son of God, but he is also an octopus. He cannot speak human languages. What more do you want from him? He is Octopus Jesus! I do not know why he has a cross protruding from his body. It is a great mystery.

Posted by aloysius at April 26, 2004 01:28 PM | TrackBack |