What is all of this? You're a homosexual? Gross! Homo's make me nervous.. Its like everytime I fuck one of them, and slap them around a bit they think we're dating. I have tried doing things like strapping them down, forcing them to give me head.. But it doesn't seem to keep them at bay. They're like zombies. Any suggestions?

We homos are a tricky lot, it's true...We are strong like the bull, and omnipresent like the rat. We are in fact much like genetically-engineered psychic flying rat-bulls from space. With a side order of fries. Homosexuals give off a strange and eldritch sort of force, the fifth fundamental force of nature, which physicists call the HOG Interaction, after its discoverers, who all had really large penises. The effect of the HOG Interaction is almost immeasurable on the quantum scale, though some theorise it may explain why the tau neutrino looks exactly like a tiny Martha Stewart. On a macro scale, however, the HOG Interaction becomes vastly powerful; recent discoveries seem to indicate that the so-called dark matter in the universe is actually an effect of the massed HOG force of homosexuals' house parties. In addition to influencing the rotational momentum of galaxies, the HOG Interaction can also physically grasp you and pull you into the nearest homosexual orifice if you aren't careful. This force, much like the gravitational influence of a black hole, is impossible to resist once you pass the critical Event Whorizon; many have been drawn by the pull of HOG deep into a homosexual genetically-engineered psychic flying rat-bull from space, never to be seen again...

Be careful, or it could happen to you!

Alright, now that's just silly. This started out as a perfectly respectable and amuzing jibe at homophobes and it's turned into a menagerie of genetically engineered rat creatures with people being sucked into their most private orifaces! Just plain silly! Now get your act together and write something witty about a man going to see his lawyer. The sort of thing Carol Burnett used to do, you know?

So a man goes to see his lawyer. 'O lawyer,' he says, 'forsooth! Alack! Woe is me!'

The lawyer says to him, 'What seems to be the trouble?'

'I am being accused of tax fraud! O lackaday, o lawks!'

'Is there any evidence against you,' the sage lawyer inquires.

The man was about to reply with the punchline, when genetically-engineered psychic flying rat-bulls descended from space and raped man and lawyer both into a coma with their thrusting frantic members.

So it goes.