July 05, 2004
Happy Belated Fourth

And a very merry Fourth of July to all of you at home! Even in such partisan, polarised, unsettled times, on the Fourth all Americans can come together; we put our differences aside for one day at least, to commemorate that most auspicious day in 1952 on which a team of scientists in Tokyo invented bukkake. If you missed the traditional colourful eruptions of last night, don't fret, for Bukkake Awareness Month events are scheduled all through July! Check your local papers to find activities in your area, and let the fun gush all over you!

Did you know...?

  • Bukkake is the only form of capital punishment still legal in the state of Maine. The next bukkakecution, of convicted spree killer Chapman Baxter, is scheduled for July 38. Until the mid-Eighties, Maine's bukkakecutions were televised, but due to budget cuts they are now available only on video.
  • The invention of bukkake was inspired by careful study of the animal kingdom, in particular a species of octopus, the Deep Blue Tosser, which lives only off the coast of Japan. Having no eyes, the male Tosser must deposit his sperm all over the fertile female in the hopes of hitting the right orifice by chance. The pheromones of the female are so potent that they can attract every male octopus within a radius of nine hundred in a maddened spermpede. Sailors report that Edison's Wanker, a relative of the Deep Blue Tosser dwelling in the deepest parts of the South Pacific, may grow to lengths of over sixty; they sing many a chanty of the havoc that can be caused by a fully-grown Wanker in the throes of mating frenzy, attempting to impregnate every object within reach of its powerful tentacles.
  • Bukkake is not only fun, but good for you, too: it is a scientific fact that a monthly bukkakification adds vital nutrients to your skin and helps to prevent wombles. There's no evidence for this, but it's a fact.
  • The Queen Mother wa^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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***NO CARRIER***

Posted by aloysius at July 05, 2004 10:30 AM | TrackBack |