Cedar Rapids, Iowa: 'Hoo-whee! Let's have ourselves a good old-fashioned book-burnin', for burning books makes Baby Jesus smile and clap his tiny hands.'
There follows banjo music, and bare-footed men in overalls waving jugs of moonshine as they stumble around their shacks engaging in wacky hijinks that often involve hitting one another (or themselves) with hammers and domestic automobiles.
To be fair, these poor people were probably driven quite mad by the foul stench that clings to Cedar Rapids like a wet puppy made of leeches.
It's a shame I can't have Iowa City uprooted and moved to the West Coast...
General J. C. Christian, Patriot, has helpfully located the responsible church online. It apparently calls itself the Jesus Church, so as not to be confused with all those unJesusy Christian churches out there, and buys into things like faith healing, glossolalia, and the Holy Spirit. In other words, they're your basic stereotypical superstitious peasants, and any mad scientists in the area should be prepared for them to turn up with pitchforks and flaming torches at the drop of a hat. Keep your monsters and killer robots leashed, guys. It's not just the law; it's a good idea.
Remember: the appropriate response is not to stage or threaten a Bible-fuelled bonfire. That is gauche, and wasteful. The appropriate response is to convert a stack of Bibles into rolling-papers, as commanded by St Paul in I Corinthians 2:2. Amen.
Posted by aloysius at July 13, 2004 04:04 PM | TrackBack |