Today I invented a new word, meaning one who engages in the traditional form of intercourse with someone of the female persuasion: vaginaut (vagina + naut).

Also, the northern lily pond in Volunteer Park is absolutely mad with koi today, swarms of little teeny ones and flotillas of big strapping ones, including the brassiest (in a metallic-looking sense) fish I've ever seen. I think he's their Emperor. If you pay him tribute, he will answer any question you pose. But being a fish, of course, he can only answer with the single thing fish can say: 'Jello shots.'