Not even I can eat pizza every single night. There comes a time when one must square one's shoulders and bite the bullet, and finally cook oneself some kind of food-based meal. Here is a recipe for jambalaya that I made up wandering aimlessly in the grocery store and prepared just last night on just such an occasion.

1. Find some vegetables. I used a green pepper, a red pepper, half a white onion, and three ribs of celery. Maybe you'd want to add a carrot; who knows? Be sure to get garlic, too. As much as you can stand.
2. Warm some butter in a several-quart pot. Find a big scary knife; the bigger and scarier it is, the more fun it is to use. (It can be pretty dull; vegetables don't fight back much.) Chop all your vegetables up like you did that migrant worker you killed with an awl. Dump them in the buttery pot to sizzle on a high low or low medium sort of heat until tender like that migrant worker you killed with an awl.
3. Now pour a 28 ounce can of crushed tomatoes into the pot. This is easier if you open the can first. You can use a can opener on that if you'd like, or you can pound a hole in the lid with a screwdriver and a hammer, as I did. Stir well; make sure nothing's sticking to the bottom of the pot.
4. Realise you're saying 'pot' quite a lot and giggle.
5. Add some chicken broth; I used a little over half of a 14-ounce can. You can do whatever the hell you like. The more broth you add now, the more rice you'll have to add later.
6. Get some kind of sausage. This could be soy-based if you'd like; I used chicken andouille. Make sure it's pre-cooked, or else you'll have to cook it yourself and who has the time for that? Slice it and add it to the pot until you feel you've added enough.
7. Now season the living fuck out of it. I employed a self-described Cajun seasoning, cayenne, a little black pepper, and a little chili powder. I sprinkle these in until I start to fear for my soul.
8. Stir it all up, put a lid on it, and let it fester over a low heat for a while. Make some rice now. I'm told longer grains work better for this sort of thing. Maybe you could cook the rice in your tomato vegetable thingy mix; I'm not sure. I did mine separately. I ended up with about three cups' worth when I was done.
9. You should have a 15 to 20 minute wait right about now while the rice cooks. That's enough time to watch an episode of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force, or to masturbate about eight times if you have a problem with premature ejaculation.
10. Now add the rice to your pot, slap the lid back on it, and let it do its thing for another 20 minutes or so. Now drink, drink to drown all your sorrows and regrets; let's face it, you probably have enough of them.
11. Ding! You're all done. You just killed a good hour without a single thought passing through your head, and now you have something to eat as well. Good for you!

It's just that easy.