It is said that, in ancient times, the sage Pedicandus Prophylactus journeyed in the East, seeking wisdom. So the story goes, he was lost in the gamey Forest of Wang when he came upon a crumpled figure sobbing beneath a dingle dongle tree. The figure continued to sob, so Pedicandus came upon him again, and again, and again, but to no avail. At last he asked, 'O figure, why do you sob?'
'Woe,' cried the figure, tearing at his hair.
'Ow,' replied the sage. 'Let go.'
'Woe,' cried the figure, 'woe, o woe! A thousand times, woe! A million, a billion times, if in fact I come from a civilisation with a system of mathematical notation robust enough to comfortably deal with numbers so large.'
'Well, I don't,' Pedicandus replied, or so the fabulists would have us believe. 'Why, o figure, do you sob?'
'I sob because my heart is heavy.'
'Why is your heart so heavy?'
'My heart is heavy because I have so many exams to grade.' The weeping figure gestured at a mighty stack. Next to the stack was a scheme, and next to the scheme was a variety. Behind the algebraic geometry were exams.
'Why, then, do you not grade the exams, for then surely your heart would be uplifted?'
'Alas,' the figure expectorated. 'Also alack! I cannot grade, for my heart is too heavy.'
'But your heart is too heavy only because you have not graded!'
'You see? Therein lies my tragedy.'
And Pedicandus was enlightened: the figure, he realised, was an asshole.
'Mehercule,' Pedicandus ejaculated.
'Shiver me timbers,' the figure ejaculated.
'Iesu in verpa,' Pedicandus ejaculated.
'Meddle,' the figure ejaculated.
And so it went, long into the night.
This is how bukkake was invented.
Posted by aloysius at February 08, 2005 09:06 PM |