Maddened Britons storm a new IKEA store, drunk on the smell of bargains: six hospitalised in frenzied melee.

"But we were totally shocked and overwhelmed by what happened. We could not have predicted it. We are really, really sorry. We are really, really sorry."

Apparently this can't hold a candle to an IKEA opening in Saudi Arabia last year, when three people were crushed to death.

My local IKEA, as far as I can tell, has no history of violent incidents. I've never seen anything more menacing there than a Swedish meatball.