I present, without passing any sort of moral judgement, the worst mangled-Latin puns I've ever seen. (Thanks a whole pantload, Adam.) Whether the following are highlights or lowlights I leave to you...

• Ars longa, vita brevis: unsuitable bathing costume (literally: big bottom, small briefs)
• Caeteris paribus: restaurant facilities are available on the Paris coach
• Mens sana: male massage parlour
• Quis custodiet custodes ipsos: do you keep the Guardian?
• Sic transit gloria mundi: the nausea will pass away, and you'll be fine by Monday

The best part is that some of the puns don't even work unless you know your proper Classical pronunciations. Remember, kids, to a real Roman, a C would always make the hard K sound!

...Right now is Gogol Bordello. To get you started, we have...

• "Start Wearing Purple"

They've done this all three times I've seen them live, and I always remember the mustachioed Eugene Hutz riding across the crowd on a drum, pounding the rafters at Chop Suey the very first. Was it 2002? 2003? It escapes me.

You can see him drum-surfing again in this clip from a live show in Camden...

These personal touches really make the show. Do try to wriggle to the front of the crowd. The theatrics are almost as important as the music. Have you never seen a wild-haired old man rock out on a violin? You will...

You know what alarms me more than the US economy showing a net loss of 4,000 jobs last month?

The unemployment rate, which is derived from a different statistical survey than the payroll figures, held steady as 340,000 people left the workforce. Fewer people in that survey reported finding employment in August compared with July.

That's like saying sectarian violence in Iraq is down because we've stopped counting as sectarian killings where the bullet goes in through the front of the head, not the back.

As a mathematician, I despair.