Improba Carmina

Gaius Valerius Catullus (c. 84 BC - 54 BC)

translated by Luke Gutzwiller

XVI. ad Aurelium et Furium

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pedicabo ego uos et irrumabo
Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi.
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qui me ex uersiculis meis putastis
quod sunt molliculi parum pudicum.
nam castum esse decet pium poetam
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ipsum. uersiculos nihil necesse est.
qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem.
si sint molliculi ac parum pudici.
et quod pruriat incitare possint.
non dico pueris sed his pilosos
qui duros nequeunt mouere lumbos.
uos quod milia multa basiorum
legistis male me marem putatis.
pedicabo ego uos et irrumabo.
I will fuck you in the ass and in the mouth,
Aurelius you sodomised ass pony
And Furius, cock-sucking little pervert,
Who think me, from my little verses
Which are sensual, to be far too wanton.
For it is proper for a poet to be
Pure, pious and unsullied by naughtiness
Himself. The same need not be true of his verse.
My verses, in short, then, may have wit and charm,
If they should be sensual and lewd enough,
And because they are sexy and able to
Arouse--I will not say boys, but these hairy
Men who cannot stir their cocks into stiffness.
Because you have of many thousand kisses
Read, you pair think me to be less than manly?
I will fuck you in the ass and in the mouth.

XLVIII. ad Iuuentium

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mellitos oculos tuos Iuuenti
siquis me sinat usque basiare
usque ad milia basiem trecenta.
nec mi umquam uidear satur futurus.
non si densior aridis aristis
sit nostrae seges osculationis.
Your fair eyes, sweet as honey, Juventius,
If anyone allowed me to kiss them so,
Would I kiss, even three hundred thousand times.
Nor ever should I seem nearly satisfied,
Not even if thicker than sheaves of dried wheat
Should grow the crop of our lips' hungry meetings.

LVI. ad Catonem

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o rem ridiculam Cato et iocosam
dignamque auribus et tuo cachinno.
ride quidquid amas Cato Catullum.
res est ridicula et nimis iocosa.
deprehendi modo pupulum puellae
trusantem. hunc ego si placet dionae
protelo rigido meo cecidi.
What an absurd thing, Cato, and how funny,
And deserving of your ears and jeering laugh.
Laugh, Cato, as you bear love for Catullus.
This matter is absurd and much too funny.
I caught just now a boy thrusting away at
His girl. As it pleases Dione I impaled
Him, lacking a weapon,on my rigid cock.

Latin text taken from Project Libellus: http://www.hhhh.org/perseant/libellus

A disclaimer: the translations here are my own. I've checked them against others and think I have them more or less right, but I still wouldn't guarantee anything. I'm not a professional. These three poems were written in hendecasyllables, a meter with eleven syllables per line; I took certain liberties ('ass pony', for example, though I think it helps to convey the connotations of the words used) with the literal text to keep my translation to eleven syllables per line, too. I'm too lousy a poet to have gotten the pattern of stresses in the lines themselves right.